I may be on the verge of over-sharing here, but I'll admit I am realllllllllllly struggling with my meditation practice. I've tried so many things....mantras, visualizations, breath-centering, everything!!!!! But somehow I cannot seem to make enough time in my day for even 5 minutes of meditation, and trust me, I have way more than 5 minutes I can spare. I actually realized that my desire to really have a perfect, ongoing, and beautiful meditation practice, was keeping me from actually having one! Most of you who know me know that I do NOT like to do things halfway...it is either all or nothing! That's just how I have always been. But, here comes the greatest part. I've realized that having this "perfect" meditation is not possible for me now, maybe not ever, but that doesn't mean that attempting to meditate in my own creative ways is not enough. Tonight as I was coming back from midtown, the train was having technical difficulties! Just my luck! The trip normally takes me 20 minutes, but tonight it took around an hour. As I was on the train, listening to some tribal music on my Ipod, I decided to close my eyes and attempt to meditate. The funny thing is that it came so naturally. Yes, I was standing up, squished by a bunch of pissed off New Yorkers, and next to a screaming child whose father was ignoring him...it was not the serene, quiet, and peaceful meditation space which I had been trying to cultivate for months in my apartment, but still, it was something. Not only did the train ride seem to go a lot quicker, but I was able to feel at peace in such a tense environment. I know this meditation story is not comparable to the stories about monks meditating for months at a time in the caves of the Himalayas, but for me it was perfect. It was my IMPERFECT meditation, and finally I am able to make peace with that.
Love, love, and more love to all of you!!!!!!!
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